Retribution
by Cyber-Undead
Summary: Oneshot. After 13th Angel/Bardiel. Instead of threatening NERV in Unit 01, Shinji takes a closer approach.


Disclaimer: Own nothing. No money being made of this.

A/N: Completely unrelated with this small work, I've had a nagging idea in my mind for a few months, and I've slowly been compiling it, writing drafts and guidelines, just skeleton work, so to speak. A new challenge for me, a series spanning the entire season plus EoE with my own twists and whatnot. However, I'm somewhat in doubt of myself, so here's a oneshot to check myself. A self-question for me to answer...  
This one starts immediately after the fight with the 13th Angel/Unit 03. Shinji will be OOC but, in my meek defence, I'm taking him down the path of desperation and slight dementia, which is bound to change a person. And we all know just how vulnerable the greatest shy pilot is. LOL!  
Finally, kudos to anyone who figures out from which movie (I loved watching) I'm getting influenced by in following intro.

"speaking"

**location and/or time**

**

* * *

Unknown Location and Time**

A boy sat huddled in darkness, leaning against a non-descript wall, fiddling with a small camera. Satisfied with its configuration, he points the tiny lens at himself, keeping it at eyelevel.

"Hello. My name is Shinji Ikari. I'm 14 years old, and I pilot one of the greatest war machines ever created. My reason for being here and what I'm about to do are perfectly reasonable, however to truly understand I'll have to get some things straight. So here's my story, of a kid with a bleak past and a grim future."

Looking down, Shinji bites his lower lip minutely frowning.

"Since this message is directed at a particular audience that has a complete and accurate psychological profile on me, I won't bother going back to my origins; instead, I'll try to describe what motivated the action I'm about to take."

**Start Flashback**

** Unit 01 Entry Plug**

Anxious, Shinji watched a crew of technicians clearing their way into the remains of the Plug of the broken and eviscerated Unit 03. He was dying to know whether or not the pilot was alive, after watching in terror (hypocrate) his own unit defeat the possessed black evangelion. Gruesome episode, observing how easily the Dummy System ripped the angel appart, tearing limbs and throwing them over the shoulder like a child getting curious with the interior of a doll. Showering the streets and buildings with the innards of the unit. Demonstrating that in the mind of men, an animalistic persona makes a good (expendable) soldier.

Gulping and leaning forward, Shinji watched with rapt attention, absentmindedly recognizing the (crying?) voice of his superior and current guardian on the comline, begging for his forgivness for not having the courage to tell him who is the pilot of unit 03. Seeing a crewman waving his arm frenetically, calling for a gurney and paramedics, a slim hope became shinnier, in that the mystery pilot was alive and well. Two more entered the plug carrying a small gurney and, as Shinji waited to know, he took attention to the distressed voice of Misato Katsuragi, who was now trying to fight hiccups and sobs and tell him the dreaded name. But then he saw one of the men carrying one of the ends of the now-occupied stretch carefully climb out of the shattered plug, and thus skipped her voice and dedicatted his full attention to the figure wearing a dark plugsuit; using the resources still available in his powered down unit, Shinji zoomed in on the paramedic team. Legs, hands, an arm falls from the body and lays innert, and his face...

Feeling himself detaching, pulling back from this reality, no longer capable of dealing with the horrible truth that the mangled boy being retrieved, the one he couldn't save as he fought the angel, the one his father so blatantly cold ordered executed because the vessel he had boarded earlier had been taken by the enemy, the one life he rebelled for, wouldn't follow his father's orders and murder an innocent life, was none other than one of his few friends, Touji Suzuhara.

Leaning back fully against the seat, Shinji felt nothing. He didn't felt the cushions of the seat, the chaffing of the skintight plugsuit, the LCL surrounding him and within him, wasn't paying any attention to the multiple voices over the radio, didn't care that the first person in so many years to show any kind of care for him was now crying in shame and anguish. He felt... emptyness. Hollow.

Recognizing the command from one of the bridge bunnies that a new power cable was now available and that Shinji use it to return the unit to the gantry, the Third Children did so. And yet, all he was seeing was the unconscious face of one of his truest friends. He vaguely noted the voice of an officer relaying the information to the bridge that the pilot was alive and that, despite having suffered severe injuries and being now permanently handicapped, he would live through this. A real friend would be glad, would commit to himself to help his friend get back up and smile at still being able to live. Would support and lend a hand whenever needed. But Shinji felt none of that. Thought none of that. He wasn't really thinking. Couldn't form thoughts, speak coherently. He barely mumbled the acknowledgments of the instrunctions and authorizations to which elevator to use to return to Central Dogma and power down the unit and head to debriefing.

That is, until he finally left his plug and coughed out the LCL in his lungs. Bowing down to the floor of the hangar, he was now feeling his eyes wanting to vent out his desolation, but he wouldn't have it. Not here, in front of everyone. Rising, Shinji decided to skip debrief and instead went to the locker rooms, suddenly feeling an irresistable urge to run from the hall of horrors that made NERV. Struggling to keep an impassive face, he walked away, almost casually. As if this had been just another day at the job. Nothing worth freaking out. But he couldn't stop clenching and unclenching his right hand...

As he entered the locker room for the male pilots, he didn't even wait for the door to automatically closed before touching the button on his wrist and depressurizing his plugsuit, letting it fall where it may, and going straight to the showers. Only there, under the cascade of hot water, kneeling and curved down, hiding from the ugly world, did Shinji let his emotions run rampant. And so he cried against the injustice of it all. Bawled his eyes out about why did this had to happen, why couldn't he be strong enough to handle the situation, control the controlled unit and rescue Touji before his father called him useless and activated the blasted autopilot. Of nearly ripping his own hair out as he cried so desesperately about not being capable of taking control of his own unit and stopping it from closing the fist and crushing Touji's plug. And so he banged his forehead against the tiled wall, beated repeatedly with his fists against the floor. How could he stay here, and continue to submit himself for this monstrosity, the father he so long to get reunited with. Sniffing, feeling a terrible pressure in his chest, Shinji progressively stopped crying. Getting up, Shinji turned off the water and noticed the redness of his hands. Shoulders heaving one last time, he exits the shower, dries off, puts his school uniform on and sits down on the bench, really trying to think about anything other than Touji's face.

And then, suddenly, a new idea came unbidden. Delving into it, Shinji wasn't sure what was worse: if the outcome of such path or the fact that he felt nothing else but a cold feeling that could be interpreted as satisfaction. Indeed, were he sucessfull with such an endeavour, he was starting to realize that he would feel good in the end. Justified. And why not, ever since coming to Tokyo-3, his life had turned into a caroussel, a miserable ride with few and somewhat opaque intervals of joy. Clenching his fist so hard that the knuckels were turning white, the young pilot allowed the impulse to drive him to his final destination. So be it, and he will accept whatever comes from this dark path.

Getting up, he closes his locker and leaves the room. Surprisingly, although he didn't show it, Misato was waiting for him in the corridor, bandaged and with an arm on a sling. Her eyes were red and slightly swelled. Taking a deep breath, Shinji asked "Please, Misato, can we talk in somewhere quiet?"

The Major, wanting nothing other than confort her ward and clear some of the pain he must be feeling, acquiesced and nodded for him to follow her. And thus the two walked through more corridors, through doors and in elevators and stairways, until coming to a stop at the small private office of the Director of Operations, where they entered. Once inside, she hugged him and cried; miserably, she lied, telling him that everything would be alright and that there was nothing that he could've done to save Touji. What she really wanted was for him to forgive her for not telling the identity of the pilot before leaving to Matsushiro, but admitting such to him would only leave her feeling even more disgusted with herself, and so, falling to her knees and holding him tightly against her while ignoring the pain from her own physical wounds, she also lied to herself, thinking that this would make all the pain go away. Feeling him pat her and drive his fingers through her hair, Misato started feeling relaxed, convincing herself that her plan was working out. And so, after some time, the piled up stress from all the happenings finally caught up with her, making her fall into a light sleep.

Shinji, having experienced events uncalled for a teenager, laid her down on the ground, taking her jacket and bundling it up as a pillow under her head. He then took her gun in the left holster and the two extra ammo clips in the right holster. The handgun was heavy, completely unmatchable to those he used against the angels. But, as he so bitterly reminded himself, he's just a kid. Placing the firearm and ammo on the desk, he delved into the cabinets in her office, until he found it: blueprints for the near entirety of Central Dogma. A few minutes and a glance at the vent on his rightside was all he needed to devise a way to reach his final destination...

**End Flashback**

**Inside a vent 30 feet away from the Bridge in Central Dogma**

Shinji, rubbing off the perspiration on his forehead, resumed his one-time recorded confession.

"Why am I doing this? I don't know the answear, and even if I did, I'm not sure if I'd have the courage to admit it. What I do know is that all I ever wanted was for him to accept me as his son. To be a real father and take care of me, for us to be a family. But all he wants his another pawn, I'm just a piece that he has a use for. He has ignored me so many times, left me feeling alone and sad. I had a new home, a new caretaker, a roommate, and friends, and even that he'll slowly take away from me. But not anymore. Maybe I'm going crazy, but I just can't care anymore, and the best that I can explain is that this feels right, that only this can bring me peace. He destroyed my life, so I'll be returning the deed to him."

Lowering the camera, he pondered shutting it off but then remembered that he still had something left to say.

"Normally, I'd say that I'm sorry but I'm not; my chest feels heavy, compressed, my head hurts so much, my palms are sweaty and I can barely keep my legs still. I keep remembering constantly his face and beleaguered state, and all I can think of is this... I'm not going to pretend that what I'm about to do is justice; it's not. It's personal satisfaction. A release of the self. A resume of my short and pointless life. And I don't feel anything holding me back, on the contrary, I'm struggling to prevent myself from wasting my only opportunity. - Shinji pauses for a moment. - And now the cold is seeping in. My legs aren't twitching and after drying my hands, it seems they've stopped sweating. My head doesn't hurt so much, only my chest... My heart hurts. I'll ask him, but I don't think that any answear he gives will matter in the end."

Laying his head back against the metal of the vent, the kid that nobody would ever think was a 2nd Lieutenant felt a strange calm take hold of him. Focusing on the lens, he continued.

"I hope you won't stay angry with me for taking your weapon, Misato. There isn't any special reason, just convenience. Thank you for taking him in and making me feel that I wasn't just a pilot in Tokyo-3; it meant so much to me. Sohryuu and Ayanami, you'll have to fight the angels on your own, I'm not as strong as either of you and I can't take this anymore. Kensuke... Touji, I'm really sorry that I couldn't live up to our friendship and help when you most needed me."

Gulping, Shinji tried to fully feel the bizarre coldness permeating his being, finding it actually strengthening his resolve and knowing, deep down inside, that this would bring him some measure of peace. Probably the most he'd ever find. With a hardened expression, Shinji Ikari said goodbye to the camera.

**Central Dogma, Bridge, Command Podium**

The Commander and Sub-Commander of NERV, Gendo Ikari and Kouzou Fuyutski respectivelly, were leaning over the desk's touchscreen, going over details of the lost facility in Matsushiro. In fact, they were both so engrossed with their discussion that neither picked up the soft rattling and subtle opening of the very small vent located behind them. That is until the Commander felt something poke his left side next to his kidney.

Startled, he looked and, much to his secret consternation, he saw his own son, dirtied with grime and holding a handgun against him. The Sub-Commander backed away from Gendo but didn't left his right side where he had been leaning over the Commander's right shoulder. Shinji didn't care about him, only his father, who, although was trying to address his son impassively, couldn't stop a noticeable anger from his voice.

"What is the meaning of this, Third Children?"

Shinji, getting closer to his father and pressing the muzzle further into the uniform, replied.

"I have been wanting to know for so long, father, why did you discard me. Why couldn't you think of me as your son. But it doesn't matter anymore, you know? Not anymore..."

Gendo, glancing sideways at the bridge bunnies, noted that nobody had yet realized what was going on. The why came to him spontaneasouly: his seat was too high and his son was so short that he couldn't be seen from below. The old man was still there, apparently confused or afraid about what to do. He was about to fully turn to his son when he felt the handgun being painfully pressed against his side. However, recalling the profile his psychologists had drawn, Gendo felt safe that he wouldn't have the guts to accomplish whatever illusion his son was feebly holding to.

So, the Commander turned to the work he had been doing and, looking at his son from the corner of his eye, decided to dismiss him.

"You continue to disappoint me with your childish behaviour, Third Children. Lay down that weapon, and report your immediate resignation as a pilot to the Director of Operations. NERV has no need for incompetent pilots like you."

Genuinely smiling for the first time in ever so long, Shinji felt an increadible ease in pulling the trigger.

Having fallen from his chair and away from his son, Gendo could only look and experience something that he could barely remember, and that is terror. Complete terror at the unthinkable demise. Preposterous, the mere idea that Shinji could find the determination to actually kill his own father in cold blood. So much he planned and worked for, only to find a humilliating end. To have his only objective, to spend eternity with his beloved wife, denied by their own son. How could this be...

Shinji, sparing a glance at the Sub-Commander and seeing that he had further backed away in shock, and a glance at the bridge and seeing everybody looking at the desk having heard the shot but unknowing of what was going on, decided to end this without the fanfare of a grand speech or a melodramatic scream, instead taking a step towards his father and unleashing nearly the entirety of the clip on his body. Knowing that he only had one more bullet in the barrell, he shot the Commander's face, right between the eyes.

Seeing that the Sub-Commander was still there, Shinji advanced to him, stepping over his father's body with a single look back. Fuyutsuki backpeddaled and moved down to the bridge, where finally the officers and employees saw the perpetrator. Shock, surprise, or even panic were too soft words and sentiments to fully illustrate what everybody was feeling at the given time. Shinji, observing several security officers carrying assault rifles and sub-machine guns, nodded to himself and took a full clip from his pant's pocket, he purposedly took time loading it, watching with a grim satisfaction the officers point their guns at him, their faces showing, begging Shinji not to do it. Shinji understood all of this in a heartbeat, and just as quickly he knew what he had to do, and so he finished charging the clip. As he pointed Misato's handgun at the Sub-Commander, he felt first than heard the first bullet being fired from one of the security officers. And thus his final goal was accomplished...

* * *

Final A/N: Ok, I got my answear. Started writing this at 22PM and finished it near 05AM in Notepad... So, I'll be using that excuse as justification for any complaints about the change of POV, grammar and whatever other errors are pointed out. LOL


End file.
